X and Y. On their own, they are just single letters in a big alphabet. Together, however, they represent a great responsibility. They decide who gets to be a guy. Anybody can have two X’s. Those anybodies are called girls. Only a select majority get an X and a Y. Now I’m all for gender equality and all that good stuff, yet there’s a special place in society for guys. I mean, think about it, a guy can go around with as many girls as he wants, and that’s socially acceptable. When a girl does it, she gets a red letter stuck on her chest and a bad reputation. Guys are considered studs; girls are considered…another “S” word. Look at every president and vice president this country has ever had. What do they have in common? An extra appendage to their anatomy, and that appendage means power by default.

Socially, both genders have their own set of rules. These rules are different for both genders, as each has different dos and don’ts. The rules for guys are best characterized in “The Bro Code” by Barney Stinson with Matt Kuhn. Inside are a variety of rules guys should follow in all situations.  For all the things guys can do, there are many they cannot. One guy, unless in a recognized, legitimate bromance (a platonic relationship between guys), cannot hug another guy without having his sexuality called into question, unless it is in direct relation to a sporting event. So if you are hugging another guy, you better have just won the Super Bowl. Girls, however, can do that and more and no one bats an eye. Just like they can share food and go to the movies together. Guys simply can’t do these things. The societal rules of guys are sacred, and anyone who breaks these rules is subject to immediate disbarment from the gender. Sure they’ll have all the necessary organs and smell, but they’re dead inside, never to watch sports or be called a bro again. I have trouble writing about such a fate, but as guys we need to be reminded not to take our gender for granted.

If you ask any guy with an ounce of respect for his gender, he will tell you that the epitome of what a man is supposed to be is Chuck Norris. A close second would be Jonathan Goldsmith, the most interesting man in the world in the Dos Equis commercials. As a guy, you aren’t supposed to feel pain. Regardless of what type of injury you sustain, when asked if you are okay you must respond “I’m good.” You don’t cry. Ever. It doesn’t matter what happens, your tear ducts should be just as useful as your appendix. Every guy knows about cars. Even if they don’t know about cars, they are required to pretend that they do. Every guy cares about sports, no matter if he can play them or shows any interest in them at all. No matter how much you offend a friend during an argument, you are never expected to apologize. The soul sharing moment of apology among guys  is summed up in two words. “It’s cool.” Adding “Bro” to the beginning of words is encouraged, but only if one possesses the necessary literary skills to do so. As you can see, it’s tough being a guy. But its perks far outweigh its drawbacks, and hey, it’s way better than being a girl.